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Habit 5: Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood

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Habit 5: Seek First to Understand Then to be Understood

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In this short video you can see different  listening and responding styles and the effect it has.

Understanding Others
• There are 4 basic methods of communication: Speaking, Listening, Reading and Writing. Of these we get lots of training and education in 3 of them, but not in Listening.
• Empathic Listening is an essential skill for understanding other people.
• Understanding = skills & techniques of empathic listening + trust and openness
• With this we can get into another person’s paradigm and understand how they experience the World

How do we do Empathic Listening
• Communication = 10% words + 30% tone, volume, etc. + 60% Body Language
• So to listen empathically we need to, listen with our eyes, our bodies, our hearts as well as with our ears

Being Understood
• We need to look after “Being Understood” by others because if we don’t we can end up in Lose – Win situations, where others see us as a “walkover”
• To be understood properly by others we need to make sure that we have: 1. Built our own credibility and integrity. We do this by practicing Habits 1, 2, & 3 2. We are able to be empathic and emotionally available to others (Habit 4) 3. We are able to state our thoughts and needs logically & reasonably

The Results
• When we practice empathic listening to understand others we generate Win-Win outcomes
• The results are logical: Before prescribing a treatment, we would expect a doctor to accurately diagnose the problem
• Habit 5 generates increased accuracy in our communication with others because we are operate from their paradigms not our own.
• It also generates increased integrity because we learn to really appreciate other people and they do the same for us.




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The person who owns this badge…

  • ...understands the importance of empathic listening when working with young people.
  • …is able to communicate in a way that balances understanding others and expressing their own needs clearly.
  • …can build stronger relationships by prioritizing understanding before responding.

The holder of this badge has worked independently at awareness at putting first things first. In collaboration with a group of international youthwork colleagues, the holder has worked at the sociocultural context of this competence during the international training course "Pathways to creative youthwork".


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Reflect on today’s learnings. What are you taking with you? What was new? Did you have an eye opening moment?
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How can you use your learnings in your work with young people?
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Pathways to Creative Youthwork
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Created on Youth Work Pathways
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